User:Mr.Leaf/Chuck Norris
From Lostpedia
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It appears that Chuck may have met Michael, and taught him some of his deadliest moves.
It is obvious that the writers of LOST could only be going in one direction with their story:
Chuck Norris is Jacob.
Factual Details
- Chuck Norris is the Incident and the Sickness. But the vaccine will not work, because there is no cure for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can kick you into the next life, but no one will see you there.
- God may not be able to see the Island, but Chuck Norris can.
- Instead of pointing true North, all compasses simply point to Chuck Norris.
- If the Island ever demanded a sacrifice of Chuck Norris, he would then proceed to sacrifice the Island.
- The reason there is no rescue is because everyone's afraid to go to the Island, with even the remotest chance that Chuck might be there.
- You absolutely, positively do not tell Chuck Norris what he can't do.
- Chuck Norris brought down Flight 815 because they wouldn't give him an extra bag of peanuts.
- Chuck Norris' tears could cure Jin's infertility, however, he has never cried. He did manage to impregnate Sun, by merely thinking about it.
- The button could not push Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris pushes the button.
- If Chuck Norris says Lost is about purgatory or nanotechnology, then that's what it's about.
- It's fairly obvious that the blast door map marking "CVI" actually stands for "Chuck's Violence I", etc.
- The answer to the snowman question was really "Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me in the snowballs." When Locke didn't know the answer, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him, but unfortunately it was in the face.
- The blast-doors and the 10 foot thick solid concrete walls in the Swan hatch were built to try to trap Chuck back in the early 80s. He escaped of course, by roundhouse kicking his way back to the surface, but some of his magnetic personality remained behind the wall.
- Back in the 19th century, Chuck was swimming the Pacific, when the Black Rock nearly ran over him. Chuck was slightly annoyed and roundhouse kicked the ship onto the Island, 2 miles inland.
- Adam and Eve once gave Chuck Norris what he interpreted to be a nasty look. They were never heard from again.
- When Benjamin Linus said "he'll kill me!" he was of course referring to Chuck Norris.
- All the people on the show with missing limbs ran into Chuck at one time. They were the lucky ones.
- The hieroglyphics seen in The Swan Station originally meant Chuck Norris.
- The Valenzetti Equation predicts Chuck Norris.
- The Numbers are Chuck's favorites, in memory of how many days old he was when he made his first 6 kills.
- The DHARMA acronym stands for Chuck's motto, "Do Harm And Repeatedly Murder A******s".
- The Monster is just Chuck's lethal breath after a steak and onion sandwich.
- The whispers are actually the voices of those Chuck Norris roundhoused, or worse...
- If you watch every episode of Season 2 in sequential backwards order a secret message from Chuck Norris will appear on your television explaining all the mysteries of LOST. Then your doorbell will ring and it will be Chuck Norris who arrives to kill you.
- The statue of the 4 toed foot is a life-sized model of Chuck's left foot. Some believe the masons didn't have enough stone, however, to do all 5 of Chuck's lethal toes, so Chuck had to kill them all by lethal roundhouse kicks before they could finish the rest of the model.
- Chuck Norris is Aaron's, Walt's, and Alex's REAL father, which explains why children are supposedly special to the Others.
- The Island is actually a small piece of dust floating on a bead of sweat from Chuck Norris.
- The Waving figure is Chuck. He is faded because you are not worthy to see him.
- Desmond is having major flashbacks, as Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked his a** back to 1996
- Mikhail Bakunin's eye is missing because Chuck Norris pulled it out with his little toe.
- Chuck Norris created the island by playing in the sand at age three.
- Someone talks with Jacob, someone sees him, but only Chuck can beat him.
- When Chuck Norris was two he sneezed and the Smoke Monster was formed.
- Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 split apart because Chuck Norris yawned.
- When Chuck Norris practices his roundhouse kicks, people get kicked back in time. Then Chuck Norris flies back in time and kicks them back to the future.
- The Purge started because Chuck Norris missed breakfast.
- Chuck missed breakfast after a drunk DHARMA Initiative work man failed to send in the Periodic Resupply Drop. So they really had it coming...
- The asteroid that hit Mr. Cluck's Chicken Fast Food Restaurant was just one of Chuck Norris's boogers.
- Danielle Rousseau is the president of the Chuck Norris fan-club on the island. She wears the same tank-top as Chuck Norris, and when her team of scientists concluded that Steven Seagal would win against Chuck Norris in a roundhouse kick contest, she had to kill them all. She later told Sayid : "imagine the consequences if we were to be rescued", meaning that if Chuck Norris were to find out, this would possibly mean the end of world as we know it.
- Anthony Cooper was roundhouse-kicked to the island by Chuck Norris. He believes the island is hell as no one could possibly survive Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris' charisma is so powerful that it caused Naomi Dorrit's helicopter to crash, and blocks the signal from her Satellite phone.
- The disappearance of Annie is because Chuck Norris might have breathed on her, so she may have been blown away into the future.
- The supposed dangerous wildlife on the island, is, in fact, Chuck Norris.
- When "Jacob" said help me to Locke, he said it because he knew Chuck Norris would be waiting for him in the after life.
- The "Jacob" Ben introduced to locke was, of course, not the real "him" (Chuck). Chuck Norris would never ask anyone for help.
- The mass grave actually contains all of the people that looked upon Chuck Norris and had time to frown.
- The rope bridge was actually built by Chuck Norris when he was bored, and the producers said they wouldn't reveal who built it because it would spoil the whole show.
- The hostiles are actually Chuck Norris's children, who are blessed with the ability of not ageing.
- Richard Alpert is Chuck Norris' brother. Just like his older brother Chuck, Richard is in his mid 60s and did not appear to have aged in the last 30 years
- Chuck Norris taught Sayid how to break someones neck with legs, because Chuck has done that to at least 108 times to other people
- Jack grew a beard in the Season 3 finale to try and look like Chuck Norris, this was not a good idea and Chuck is now hunting him down like a dog, this is why he is on drugs and wishes desperately to return to the island in fear of death. Little does he know that Chuck Norris can find him anywhere.
- Chuck Norris knew what was going to happen at the end of LOST before even the writers did. If you ask him what happens he will give you one clue and then kill you with a Round-House kick to the face. All we know is that the clue has something to do with penguin/dinosaur vs zombie/polar bear hybrids in one epic Lord of the Rings style battle.
Pros
- The show has many literary parallels to another cinematic masterpiece, Walker, Texas Ranger.
- No one, even the producers of the show would ever dare to debunk this theory, by fear of Chuck Norris
Cons
- If you can think of any cons and Chuck finds out about it, do not expect to live to see the end of Season 4.

